Ive been out twice in the last two weeks. I don’t go out as much as I used to seeing as its the holidays and many of my friends are away and Im working. Now I dont know how many of you have been clubbing in London, but it can be a pretty retarded scene.
The RnB and HipHop clubs in London all have a dress code. Most clubs in London do really (‘cept for the indie hangouts). If you want to go proper clubbing however, not just like to a gig or something, then you have to watch how you dress. Guys: Absolutely no trainers. Never ever. Don’t even think about it. Clubbing for guys is harsh anyway… Not only do you have to pay more in terms of entry fee, you have very little chance of getting in if you dont have girls with you. Yaaaa, its a little screwed up for you guys..! So yes, NO TRAINERS and a shirt is your safest bet. You’d be crazy to go with a hoodie. Girls: Now girls… Oh girlies, London is a slutty city. It really is. With dresscode you differentiate between going for the Glamorous Slut Look ( for the upper-class posh clubs) or the Trashy Hooker Look (the average normal look). Of course Im generalizing and not everyone looks like that but the majority does unfortunatly. Oh and dont forget the killer heels, you’ll feel out when wearing flats.
Uhhh *shudder*
Okay so lets say you’re going clubbing. You’ve dressed up and taken the tube (our underground trains duhh 
) into central London, round 10ish (yes I know it seems very early but most clubs – like 90% – close at 3am!!!). You walk along the clubbing district and wait for a promoter to jump on you. “Hey there! Going clubbing tonite treacle?!” There you go. Now remember this: Promoters trick you! (Okay so I know some that don’t but Im FROM London, man Ive just noticed Im kinda writing a tourist guide o.O). So as a tourist watch out they dont scam you! Just go to a club and stand in the queue.
London clubs differ greatly…theyre really seperated into areas. Posh areas house posh clubs obviously. Take Movida. Movida is near Bond Street (oooooh) and very superficial. People are usually minted and arrive in taxis (no buses or tube here). If you dont look hot enough you dont get into these kinds of clubs. If youre a girl and you look hot you get given a Golden VIP ticket which means free entry. If not you have to pay £20 entry (!!!). Inside its luxury pure. Diamonds on the ceilings, some famous DJ playing and a bigger VIP area than the one for commoners -.-. So my friend and I go in after getting a golden ticket (siiigh, dont say anything) and sit down. We were worried about getting in so we’d come early, it was only 11pm. A guy approaches and gives us his business card. He says hes a promoter and he will put us on his guestlist for next time. We go dance and are approached by a woman. “My client would like you to join him at his table” – We think why not and follow her. We sit down in the VIP area at a table with two fat bankers deep in conversation. They say hi, then ignore us. Unlimited free champagne…well this is feeling cheap. Obviously the only reason we are sitting there is for appearance’s sake. We take the champagne and leave. See….these clubs can be fantastic, glamourous and exciting, but they can also be superficial, judging and harsh. Unlike in London, I havent been clubbing so much in other countries. Maybe its the same. It must be I guess. Every country has sleazy guys that try dancing at you from behind without you knowing. Meh.
Obviously Ive given you a very general, sarcastic and one-sided account here. Dont get me wrong I love London infinitely. Im a serious clubber or used to be and know alotta places. Ive just come to prefer more electro based/ alternative indie spots compared to the cosmo scene Ive previously hung out on. I guess you guys will have to make your own minds up…and even if I did exaggerate (I SO didnt ) there must be some truth in it huh?! 
Would have been cooler if you got a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s factory.